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Dear Diary, I’m beginning to enjoy this whole wine tasting thing. My
promotion to Official Trainee Wine Snob (Second class) has come through
and I‘m on a mission to seek out new wines from around the world. Where
should I start? A trip to France maybe? Ahh, Bordeaux, Champagne,
(maybe I could take in a trip to the Moulin Rouge while I’m there).
Oh, wait, we don’t like the French. Can’t do that one. Australia? Nope, too
far. Italy maybe. Hmm, all those sexy Italian women. Yes, that’s it, a trip
to Italy. This will be fun!!
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
I have been informed (in no uncertain terms) that I will NOT be going to
Italy. (Sorry Dear, I don’t know what I was thinking). We have agreed that
England is a safe destination. They are not known for their beautiful
women any more than they are known for their great wines. So, my
personal mission is to try and find a good wine in England. Wow, talk about
setting yourself a challenge. I think some research may be necessary.
Thursday, July 31, 2003
The Internet is a wonderful thing. Try it for yourself some day. A simple
search for “Good English Wine” pulls up a staggering eleven results. OK,
so five of those start the sentence with “There’s no such thing as a”, but
that leaves me with a few leads. Maybe I’ll get lucky. I’ll start planning my
itinerary today. Wish me luck.
Saturday, August 2, 2003
Flying to England today. There’s a lot to be said for traveling in First
Class. Not least is the Champagne. They throw this stuff down you as fast
as they can. I swear they just want me to fall asleep so they don’t have to
work during the rest of the flight. Well, I’ve been practicing and it’s going
to take more than three plastic glasses of Champers to get me snoring. I’m
wide-awake and ready for something better (the Champagne is not great
stuff, even I can tell that, but it’s free), so when lunch is served early in the
flight I start with a rather refreshing Pinot Noir. It’s not English
(thankfully), but I’ll mention it anyway….we’ll be reviewing Pinot Noir’s
soon. This particular wine was King Estates Oregon Pinot Noir. Being a
Trainee wine snob I won’t try to describe it, but I did enjoy five or six
glasses (it’s all becoming a little fuzzy by now). Real wine snobs describe it
like this; “Garnet and ruby hues, firm acidity, blackberry and briar
bouquet, along with cedar, cinnamon and vanilla flavors.”
You know, some of this is starting to make sense, I can smell blackberries
and I can taste cinnamon…… I’ll try another glass in search of cedar and
vanilla.
Saturday, August 2, 2003, about 5:00 pm, somewhere over the North
Atlantic
Lunch must have been really good, because I appear to have slept for a
couple of hours. Surely the wine could not have contributed. However, I
awake in time for dinner, which is uneventful (Chicken.…..I think. Never
can be too sure with in-flight meals). Now, I mention dinner only because it
is followed by my favorite type of dessert, (are you ready for this???) a
good ENGLISH Port (What, you thought it would be Ice Cream??).
I know the purists will argue that Port comes from Portugal, which it does,
but did you know that all the good port manufacturers in Portugal are
English? No? Well, one of the many times that England and France were at
war the English looked around for a new source of the red stuff. Portugal
looked like a possibility, but there wine was (to use an English phrase)
completely Pants. So, the English moved in, took over (we had a habit of
doing that in those days) and started producing what is now known as Port.
I could tell you how they do it, but I like to leave the boring technical stuff
to Shane.
But, I digress. This Port was very good. W & J Grahams Vintage Port;
“Graham's is typical of truly fine Vintage Port - boldly aromatic and
flavorful with essences of bramble berries and plums. With more than a
dozen years aging in the bottle, it has mellowed to a velvety soft texture.”
Again, I would not be presumptuous enough to give you my description, but
whichever wine guru wrote the words above was dead on when he (or she)
mentioned plums. Very good stuff. I’ll have another. And then, maybe a
little nap.
Wednesday, August 6, 2003. Southern England.
I have (over the last three days) visited twenty-seven liquor stores.
(Although they don’t call them liquor stores over here, they’re “Off-
Licenses”, because they have a license to sell liquor for consumption Off
the premises). At each one, the conversation went something like this;
Ian: “Do you sell English wine?”
Pimple Faced Employee: “What?”
Ian: “English wine, ……wine made in England”
PFE: (Looking at me like I’ve just escaped from a local mental institution)
“Err, no” (Short pause)
PFE: (After some thought) “Nobody has ever asked me that before, there’
s no demand for it”
Ian: “Oh, OK, thanks”
Not very productive then. I contemplate approaching the local mental
institution to see if all the English wine is being sent there. I reject the idea
because even Schizophrenics must have at least one personality that can
spot a good wine.
Friday, August 8, 2003. Kent, England
Finally!!! I have discovered the secret. English wine is such a specialist
field that anyone brave enough (or stupid enough?) to try it has to go direct
to the vineyard. Once again the Internet comes to the rescue and I
discover I’m not far from an award-winning vineyard. In England. Wow.
Tenterden Vineyard in Kent is home of Chapel Down wines, which actually
have a good reputation and something of a cult following. King of the crop
is the subtle dry white Bacchus, which they describe like this; “Lively and
fragrant herbaceous fruit aroma with an attractive clean crisp, refreshing
finish. Early bottling in February following the harvest has captured the
natural flavours of the Bacchus grape.”
Prepare to be shocked. It’s actually quite good, and I have learned
something about English wines. Apparently all the best English wines are
made from German grape types (of which the Bacchus is a fine example).
The growing season, temperature, rainfall and soil types in England just
don’t suit grapes from anywhere else. That is why you won’t find many of
the more recognizable grape types here. But hat’s off to Chapel Down.
They make some very acceptable wines. The search continues with
renewed vigor.
Monday, August 11, 2003, Manchester, Northern England
I’m in the frozen north. Grapes do not grow up here, so there’s no chance
of finding a vineyard, not even a bad one. Instead I’m back on my search
for liquor stores with a patriotic streak. I put in a call Nyetimber Vineyard
in Sussex (way down South). Their name has cropped up so often during my
Internet searches, that I’m beginning to wonder if they are actually a porn
site. But No, a call to the vineyard confirms that they do produce wine and
there is one outlet within driving distance. I rush off to The Cheshire
Smokehouse. Funny name for a place that sells wine, but it turns out that
they are a restaurant that smoke their own meat. (There’s a joke there
somewhere). They also have a surprisingly well-stocked wine store with
over 400 types of wine selected by the very helpful Mr. Beavan. I
immediately found what I was looking for, the Nyetimber Champagne-style
Sparkling Wine. One review I found described it like this; “A mid-gold
hue. A forward yet stylish, leesy, yeasty nose, with some lemony citrus
notes. A creamy texture, with a clean lemon-citrus acidity and finish. A fine
and soft mousse. Excellent."
When asked if he stocked any other English wines the good Mr. Beavan
(who was far more knowledgeable than the previous Pimple Faced
Employees) explained that English Vineyards don’t sell their wine
wholesale, so he has to pay almost the same price as everyone else when
buying from the vineyards. There’s just no profit margin. So there you have
it. Finally an explanation of the shortage of English wines in stores. And I
thought it was just because they suck.
Friday, August 15, 2003
I’m on a plane back to Texas. I have in my possession slightly more wine
than I’m actually allowed to carry back into the country. Two bottles of
Nyetimber Champagne and one bottle of Three Choirs Dry White (they
call it Dry White because it would take up too much space on the label to
list the grapes; 40% Seyval Blanc; 20% Muller Thurgau; 20%
Reichensteiner; 10% Orion; 5% Madeleine Angevine; 5% Huxelrebe).
Haven’t tasted that one yet. I will present it to some wine snobs some time
and see how hard they laugh. I wonder if they will agree with the advertised
description;
“A crisp, off-dry white wine bursting with fresh hedgerow and orchard fruits
delivering a long, but subtle finish”
Also in my possession is a bottle of Laurent Perrier. Yes I know it’s
French, but they do make very good Champagne.
On reflection, I have searched high and low for good English wine with
limited success. I have found a few drinkable wines but the only awards
they ever win are for “Best English Wine”, which is a bit like “Best
Tropical Disease”….. there must be one that’s not as bad as the rest, but
would you really go looking for it?
I have to conclude that, when all’s said and done, the English should stick
to what they are good at, Beer.
Now, Where’s that flight attendant, I feel the urge for some Port. And then
maybe a short Nap.